


Ethereal

by Madampringle



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anal Sex, Bittersweet, During Timeskip (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route, First Time, Gen, M/M, Mentions of Edelgard, Mentions of past Lorenz/Leonie, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, Tender Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:28:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26223391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madampringle/pseuds/Madampringle
Summary: Lorenz could not make out the emotion on Ferdinand’s face as he approached, though he could certainly make out the waves of hair that curled across his shoulders, tracing his face, the strength of his brow contrasting with the wind-kissed flush of his cheeks.How long had it been? How much time had passed for Ferdinand to become even more stunning than he already had been? Such thoughts were dangerous, utterly so, and yet…
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir & Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, Ferdinand von Aegir/Lorenz Hellman Gloucester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35
Collections: 2020 Ultra Rarepair Big Bang





	Ethereal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [3RatMoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/3RatMoon/gifts).



> A collaboration with 3RatMoon for the Ultra Rarepair Big Bang event! This piece is accompanied by beautiful artwork, so please give it a look! Links will be updated and provided!
> 
> Here's the wonderful art that 3RatMoon created for the fic: https://twitter.com/3RatMoon1/status/1300577280343912449
> 
> Warnings for mentions of war and violence, descriptive sex and a whole lot of deep feelings.

Winters in Gloucester had a tendency to be as troublesome as they were beautiful, if the clogging of wet snow upon boots and wagon wheels of travelling convoys were any indication. The chilling calamity that followed after a bountiful snowfall did nothing to distract from the looming threat of invasion from what was essentially supposed to be an ally. Though, Lorenz knew better than that, after nearly five years of the dreaded conflicts that had torn the Kingdom asunder. The very same conflict that had begun to bleed into the Alliance territories. The heir of Gloucester shifted in his spot, idly and almost bitterly wondering if his father would have noticed his clear disdain for standing out in the Ethereal Moon air.

Count Gloucester made no movement beyond the steady rise and fall of his chest, as still as a statue and as graceful as a feline. Lorenz did not know his father to be anything less...or anything more, than the steadfast, quick-witted and poised man that he was. Nothing was ever out of place, no thread or strand of hair, black in color and sharp in visage. Against the expanse of white around them, Count Gloucester stood out as always. Lorenz knew that his own cloaked form must have contrasted starkly as well, and yet his clothing choices were not deserving of distinct attention.

The arrival of Ferdinand von Aegir, though…

Lorenz would have worn the finest silks and shawls if the orange-haired man desired it of him. The anticipation of Ferdinand’s arrival crawled beneath the young lord’s skin, and the swell of loneliness in his heart sang with a painful relief. Even if Ferdinand was only arriving as a representative of Edelgard...even if he was only arriving as a means of assuring Gloucester’s compliance to Adrestia’s occupation.

Lorenz was not a fool, at least not in the way he knew he used to be. He would be lying if he was to believe that Ferdinand’s visit was one of joyous desire. Even so, simply seeing his dear friend again was enough to push the troubling thoughts of the current situation to the back of his mind. He could already see the silhouette of the Aegir heir, perched upon the back of his chestnut steed. A small convoy of Adrestian soldiers strode at his side, enough to give an impression of protecting an important member of the Empire, yet not enough to cause an issue of housing or to impose intimidation upon Lorenz or his father.

Count Gloucester had never been intimidated before, that much Lorenz was very aware of. He waited at his father’s side, not needing to look back at the looming estate behind him to know that it’s imposing build took over the land around them. He inwardly wondered if Ferdinand would find his childhood home to be beautiful...or to be hollow and lonely, increasingly so as each day passed in silence. Lorenz could not make out the emotion on Ferdinand’s face as he approached, though he could certainly make out the waves of hair that curled across his shoulders, tracing his face, the strength of his brow contrasting with the wind-kissed flush of his cheeks.

How long had it been? How much time had passed for Ferdinand to become even more stunning than he already had been? Such thoughts were dangerous, utterly so, and yet…

“Count Gloucester...Lord Gloucester.” Ferdinand’s greeting was as formal as Lorenz would have expected, and yet there was no doubting that his once boisterous volume had fled the confines of his breast. He sounded exhausted, rightfully so, determined to play his part as a refined nobleman, even at the expense of his personal strain.

“I apologize for my sudden arrival. Though, I of course have no doubt that your abilities of accommodation are second to none. I am grateful that you have allowed me to stay, though I assure you that I will not impose for long.”

Lorenz felt his mouth opening on instinct, a desperate desire to pull Ferdinand back into the easy conversation they had always maintained driving him. No words came out though, as his father’s voice flitted through the gentle snowfall instead.

“If it is the Empire that is in suspicion of the intentions of Gloucester, then I suppose I have no choice but to ease that suspicion. It would be obscenely rude, to deny such...earnest dedication, of course. I can see that your trip has been a long and harrowing one. The farm hands will bring your horses to the stables, and you and your convoy will be escorted inside.” Cut throat, quick to the point, the markings of his father that Lorenz could still never hope to imitate as easily as he could. 

“I appreciate your hospitality.” Ferdinand dismounted with the skill of a trained rider, landing upon the snow, the furred edges of his cloak nearly touching the frozen earth. Lorenz clicked his jaws shut, though it was utterly impossible to ignore the way Ferdinand’s eyes trained directly on him the moment his father had turned away to guide their visitors back into the sprawling estate. Lorenz could not ignore the piercing gaze, and how worn and relieved and conflicted it looked, how Ferdinand was able to display every emotion that he had felt for the last few years. 

Lorenz felt himself dip into the familiar bow of greeting in the face of the Adrestian man, though he could tell Ferdinand’s bow in return was weakened by something he could not yet decipher. The silence of the snow was the loudest sound that he could hear.

\---

“Where are you guiding me?” Ferdinand’s voice echoed through the looming halls, seeming to bounce off of the finely cut lumber and stone. Lorenz could only describe the emotion he felt as foreboding, or perhaps longing. 

“You have asked me that same question thrice now.” A weak attempt at familiar humor. “I will not deny you an answer, though. I am taking you past the library, before I take you to your chambers. It is perhaps my favorite room in the estate.”

Ferdinand did not laugh in response like he would have years ago, clearly having changed from the bright young man he once was, and yet his curiosity at least had not waned. Lorenz watched the man offer a small smile from the corner of his eye, observing how Ferdinand’s glossy hair bounced upon his shoulders as he walked past engraved portraits and snow-glossed windows.

“You have led me through many rooms. I will admit, I had always wanted to see the estate that you had described so wondrously, back in...back when we were boys. Of course, it is far more impressive seeing it with my own eyes than hearing it over tea.” Ferdinand seemed to lose himself in searching around the confines of the halls, peering at each doorway they crossed. “When you told me it was a grand estate, I did not expect it to be so…”

“Grand?” Lorenz could not help but finish the statement for the other man, though his own voice sounded unfamiliar on his tongue. As prideful as he wished to sound of his home, all he could find was wistful admission. Ferdinand’s hum of agreement was worth the conflicting emotions though, if only for how the rumbling from his throat sent a shock of warmth through the bones of the Gloucester noble. He turned to look at Ferdinand fully now, taking in his visage, each and every inch of silk and velvet, laced together with seamless stitching across the curve of his strong shoulder, broad and-

No. No, no.  _ No _ .

“...Are you alright, Lorenz?”

Such a simple question, and yet Lorenz could hear the concern in his friend’s voice.  _ No _ , he wished to exclaim to him.  _ No _ , he was not alright, he had not been alright for years, and the exhaustion was eating him alive, making each and every movement of the other man seem entrancing.

“Yes.” He finally said, nodding his head along with the lie. “I am perfectly fine. Certainly now that we have reached our destination. Please, feel free to look around for as long as you desire.” He swallowed, pushing down the urge to hesitate in step if only to watch Ferdinand saunter into the grand library. “Do be mindful not to misplace the books though. It is quite tedious to reorganize them, surely you understand?”

Ferdinand only nodded, a simple thing truly, a single waving lock of hair spilling down his shoulder at the motion, catching Lorenz’s eye above all else. “Of course. I would not dare to desecrate such a room...It is simply stunning, all of these books! The shelves stretch up so high! I would say it puts even the Monastery’s collection to shame!...”

Lorenz could not describe the sensation of defeat that he felt, the chill in his skin as Ferdinand’s exclamation trailed off into somber silence. Did Ferdinand regret such words, seeing as the destruction of that same Monastery was made possible under Edelgard’s orders? Did that vast library even exist anymore? Or had it been burned to ashes, as so many of Gloucester’s villages were beginning to? Lorenz did not know who his anger was directed towards, yet it was Ferdinand who cut his thoughts short, shelling back up into the false demeanor he had worn when he had dismounted from the back of his steed.

“Pardon me.” He rasped. “Such discussions are crass of me...I...Lorenz, I believe I am quite fatigued. I would like to rest, I have decided. I apologize, if you desired to show me more.” A turn of his head, and Lorenz could no longer peer into the apricot-orange of his eyes. Something felt amiss, heavy as stone, and Lorenz had suddenly lost his desire to walk around more as well. He shook his head softly.

“No, that is quite alright, Ferdinand. I think that we both are particularly winded from the events of today, and of the past moons. I will escort you to where you will be sleeping tonight.”

Clipped and to the point, as one would prefer to be in such a situation, and yet the silence that followed him as he escorted Ferdinand back through the halls of the estate gnawed away at his heart. They had not even spent more than two minutes in the library, and that thought alone weighed heavily upon him. Oh, goddess, why was this all so wrong? Why couldn’t he gather a cohesive word, a simple statement, if only to ease the tension that floated around them? By the time he could manage the thoughts in his mind though, they were already hesitating outside of the old oak doors to the guest room.

Lorenz opened his mouth. He closed it once again. He just wanted to…

“Lorenz.” Ferdinand’s voice cut through the silence, and Lorenz finally seemed to find his voice before he could allow him to continue.

“Ferdinand.” He echoed. “Before you rest, I...Please, I would ask you to join me for tea. In my quarters, of course. I cannot leave you here without at least speaking to you about the time that has passed. I cannot lie when I say that I have greatly missed your company...perhaps more than anyone else’s. You need not agree of course, I would never wish to coerce you into an activity that you would not-”

“Yes.” Once again, he was interrupted, and yet Lorenz found himself not minding if it meant he could garner Ferdinand’s attention. “Tea sounds perfect, Lorenz. I have not had tea with another in quite some time, actually.” His eyes flicked to the side as though inspecting the elegant siding to the doors. “Admittedly, I am curious to see your room as well…”

“I-yes...Yes, of course then. My room is actually not too far from yours. Come then.” 

\---

“Southern fruit blend. You remembered my favorite, did you?”

“You doubt the capacity of my memory, my dear friend. Of course I remember your favorite tea. I remembered all of your favorites, and yet I know that this one stands out amongst the rest to you. It is rather sweet for my liking, and yet I suppose you have persuaded me to change my opinion of it.” 

Lorenz could not help himself from chattering as he tilted the spout of the teapot downwards, watching the flow of amber liquid fill the delicate cup. He had always admired how the tea contrasted with the pearly porcelain, and yet now all he could think about was how the color of Ferdinand’s favorite tea matched the color of his eyes. A soft yet sensational orange, akin to the richest of sunsets, when one’s eyes could gleam the sun in all of it’s glory without blinding oneself...He was truly falling apart. All he could think about was Ferdinand von Aegir’s eyes. He was right in front of him, listening to his incessant ramblings, and yet Lorenz wanted nothing more than to look up and lose himself in his eyes. Pathetic, to put such thoughts before the direness of the War.  _ Pathetic… _

“I have not forgotten your favorite either.” Ferdinand pulled the cup close to his chest, holding the saucer in his other hand as he spoke over the rim. “Rose petal. Bergamot too. I remember that you liked one the same as the other. A unique combination, yet I admired you for it. You always had good taste, Lorenz.”

There was the rush of warmth at the compliment. Lorenz could feel it tracing along his cheeks, hopefully hidden well enough by the sweep of his hair as he stood back to his full height. He seated himself down rather awkwardly, unable to look anywhere but at his own cup. How was he supposed to respond to such a statement? Years ago, he may have taken such words in stride as a stroke to his inflamed ego. Now...all he could think about was how melodically the words escaped Ferdinand’s mouth, how they slipped over his thin lips and lush tongue. Lorenz coughed lightly, trying not to fall back into the swarm of illicit thoughts that he could not help but have. His only saving grace was the miniscule chance that Ferdinand shared his poorly timed infatuation, as unlikely as such a notion seemed.

“You flatter me with your words, Lord Aegir.”

“...Such a title is incorrect, Lord Gloucester.”

Lorenz could only blink at the sudden admission, his brows lifting with surprise at the intensity and  _ honesty _ in Ferdinand’s despondent voice. He wanted to push away the strands of hair that had fallen as Ferdinand’s head drooped ever so slightly, but a more controlled part of himself kept him still. His jaw gaped, before closing with a silent click.

“I do not understand what you imply, Ferdinand.”

In a flash, Ferdinand’s eyes met with his, and Lorenz nearly leaped back at the intensity of the man’s gaze, the boiling, burning emotions that simmered beneath a gause of control. If there had been any fire left in the exhausted man, Lorenz knew that it would be burning insatiably at this moment. It saddened him deeply, that such a fire had clearly been snuffed out.

“I am no longer a lord. Nor do I have a title of such a caliber. Nor do I have any land, any claim to territory, any right to govern, any position outside of the ones that are given to me under her majesty.” An averted gaze interrupted his quiet and chilling admission. “My father defied lady Edelgard’s changes to the Adrestian system. I should not be telling you, or any person this, and yet you have no idea of how desperately I wish to scream out all my admissions to the sky and the stars. To any person that is willing to listen.” Lorenz could see the way his hand began to tremble around the cup, though whether out of fear or anger, Lorenz could not decipher.

“...If you should not be admitting such...such impactful information, then why have you done so to me?”

Lorenz stammered, still aghast at the realization that Ferdinand had quite literally lost all aspects of his family name, title and territory. How could he possibly conduct any kind of change or noble protection without a status to his name? Ferdinand’s next words shut the young Lord up rather quickly.

“I...Lorenz, I truly believed that out of everyone I have known, that you are the only person who has ever truly understood me. Not...simply the aspects of nobility that we shared, but...the simple parts of my person as a whole that not even I have fully understood yet. I grew so used to having to attempt to prove my character alongside Edelgard, that I had always been struck each time you had assured me that I was the fondest company you could ask for. I know that my peers had always assumed me a spoiled and arrogant and competitive man, and yet you were one of the first and only to see me in a way I had always hoped I had projected.” Ferdinand had no qualms with peering right into Lorenz’s eyes, making the other man ache with buried emotion.

He continued without missing a beat. “You believed that I was a pinnacle of nobility. While I know that both of us have surely grown past our once youthful arrogance, I could also tell that you meant it in the best way possible. We both wanted to truly protect our people, commoner and noble alike, and govern our territories fairly and fondly...Beyond that, you also knew that I wanted nothing more than a friend that I could be myself with. I only hope...I only hope that I had meant as much to you, as you had meant, and still mean, to me. That is why I offered to come here, to monitor Gloucester under the Emperor’s eye. I knew that I could still speak to you, and I knew that if anyone would still listen and still understand me...it would be you.”

Lorenz was stunned. Truly, utterly stunned. Such meaningful words deserved to be met with puffed chests and assurances of continuity, yet the Gloucester heir could only describe his emotions as somber and solemn. Goddess, Ferdinand still trusted him? After all these years of distance and of warfare, of destroyed villages and destroyed legacies, Ferdinand had come to him rather than another in Adrestia? Lorenz wondered just how much Edelgard had taken from the man, and just how much more she would take when he returned. He placed his teacup down, swallowing the building lump in his throat.

“I...do not know what to say, Ferdinand.” He admitted, ashamed at how weak his own voice sounded in the face of a man who must have been suffering immensely. “Had I been a few years younger, I would have scolded you for your lack of drive...but, you are correct. We have both grown from then, in body and in mind. I must ask you though, my friend. Why do you stay under the thumb of a woman who has ravaged you?” He looked around carefully, afraid of the thought of someone overhearing them. “If she has stripped you of your titles and your lands, why do you remain loyal to her?”

“The same reason that Gloucester is now loyal to the Empire.” Ferdinand’s words were soft, and yet so scathing without him even having to spit them out. “If not Edelgard, then her followers have no qualms in raining fire upon the lands of those who defy her dominion. I may not be a Lord anymore, but the people of my territory are still of my concern...if I flee, I know that they will use them against me. They will suffer, because of my selfishness.”

“...Just as the people of Gloucester…”

“Just as the people of Gloucester.” Ferdinand nodded, a miserable smile crossing his face. “Do you see now, why I believe that you of all those close to my heart, would be the one to truly understand me?”

“I...I do.” Lorenz could only nod, dumbly he was certain, in response to Ferdinand’s silent plea for empathy. Just as he could not abandon the people of Aegir, Lorenz knew in his heart that he could not abandon the people of Gloucester to be ravaged by the Imperial forces. One wrong move, and both of their homelands could be invaded. Lorenz felt a sudden rush of his own misery, wondering if the shadows under his own eyes matched Ferdinand’s. What had happened to their vigor, to their determination to become better than those who had come before them? In that moment, Lorenz could not stand to sit and stare at the man before him, drowning in his sorrow alone. His hand moved of its own accord, his fingers trailing across Ferdinand’s knuckles, before stilling upon the top of the hand that was not now stock still around the handle of his teacup. 

It was a simple, harmless little motion, truly. A motion of deep comradery, of friendship. He thought of the evenings he had shared with Leonie, covered in bruises and dust and desperate for some kind of escape from the horrors of a War that had begun for Gloucester long before the Alliance in general. He thought of the way her hand had felt in his own, how the simple motion had chased the shadows in her eyes. Orange, just like Ferdinand’s. He remembered how she had explained what it meant, to care for someone in more ways than one. He remembered how warm she had been, when the coldness crept into his bones, how she had taught him more about himself than anyone had before.

He wanted to know if Ferdinand could teach him something too. Selfish. Utterly, utterly  _ selfish _ .

“Lorenz…” Ferdinand’s voice swam in the air between them, though his eyes did not stray away from Lorenz’s. Instead, Lorenz could only release a shadow of a breath as he felt Ferdinand shift his hand to reverse the positioning, his fingers calloused and strong as they clutched to Lorenz’s. The intensity of his grip indicated that Ferdinand was more than willing to accept his notions, though Lorenz felt selfish in hoping that he could do more than just hold the man’s hand in his own. Ferdinand’s hand was warm, chasing away the chill in the air that crept in from the snow-laden panes of glass in the elegant bedroom.

“Ferdinand.” He chased his voice, his own rattling with hesitation and urgency, all in one. Ferdinand merely blinked, before he placed the teacup down and stood to his feet. He tugged weakly at his hand, enough to guide Lorenz to his feet as well, before he rested his palm on the curve of the Gloucester heir’s jaw. His fingers traced the skin of his cheek, and within a moment’s pass, Lorenz felt Ferdinand’s lips upon his own. Bewilderment was one way to describe what he was feeling, and yet a sensational sense of intimacy filled him. There was no spark or blaze within him at the kiss, though he had not expected there to be.

This was fulfilling. This was comfortable. This was _ Ferdinand _ , and this was enough to chase those shadows away.

Lorenz chased his lips with his own, pulling at the thin skin with only the faintest traces of experience. It was clear that Ferdinand knew how to maneuver this dance, tilting his head ever so slightly. Lorenz gasped faintly as he felt the slide of Ferdinand’s tongue against his lips. It was a chaste movement, a simple slide, and yet it brought warmth to the young man’s stomach. He tried to remember what Leonie had taught him, setting into a comfortable movement of back and forth as he allowed Ferdinand to guide the kiss. His eyes closed slowly and savored the sensation with a thirst for more. Ferdinand seemed inclined to answer his silent plea, curling his hand against the nape of his neck and thumbing at his scalp. Lorenz trembled at the sensation and gripped tightly at the lapels of Ferdinand’s shoulder to keep him from pulling away.

Lazily, tenderly, they kissed in the ghostly grey of Lorenz’s bedroom. Such a scandalous scene would surely bring chaos to the Estate, and yet Lorenz found himself ever so slightly intrigued by the realization that a mere slab of wood separated them into secrecy. He nipped reluctantly at Ferdinand’s mouth, clumsy yet enthusiastic, before Ferdinand returned the bite with one of his own. He drew a gasp from the young man’s mouth and Lorenz finally forced himself to separate. His eyes trained on the reddening lips in front of him, though his voice escaped him in short breaths.

“Ferdinand...Did you wish to-”

“Kiss you?” Ferdinand pressed his hip further into the tea table to ghost his breath along the line of Lorenz’s mouth. “I have wished to do such a thing for as long as I could remember.”

The admission only drove Lorenz to slip his lips against Ferdinand’s once again, allowing a moment of bravery to drive him. Ferdinand was quick to return it once again, though this time he made it a point to disconnect their hands on the table to bring his other hand to the dip of Lorenz’s waist. He guided him around the table, slipping close to him. Lorenz had a momentary thought of scolding the man to not damage the sensitive fabrics of his waistcoat. That momentary thought was quickly hashed out as Ferdinand began to knock his knees into his, backing Lorenz up a few paces as their kissing intensified. Lorenz exhaled softly, bewildered at the stiff press of Ferdinand’s body into his own. He was no fool, and was acutely aware of what part of Ferdinand’s body was brushing into his hip.

A moment of internal observation led Lorenz to realize that his own body was reacting in a similar manner. He had not even thought of what he would do if Ferdinand pursued such a thing, let alone Ferdinand merely kissing him. Even so, he felt a sense of selfish pride that he alone had invoked such an erotic response from the other man. He shifted, hoping that Ferdinand would appreciate the roll of his hip into him as he murmured.

“I am not sure...if this is what you wanted, when you arrived, but I would be a fool to lie...and to say that I did not want this, deep down.”

“Is that permission to continue, Lord Gloucester?” Ferdinand’s forehead pressed to his, the small movements of his eyes pulling Lorenz’s attention with them. “I did not know if you felt...ah, if you have ever…”

“Kissed?” Lorenz questioned, before he answered him with a brushing peck of his lips, drawing back to murmur out. “Wanted another’s touch, or company? Ferdinand von Aegir, do you think me clueless?”

“Inexperienced.” Ferdinand corrected, silencing Lorenz’s murmur of complaint with the pad of his thumb to his lips. “I can tell, by the way in which you kissed me back. Lorenz. I have not made you discomforted, have I?” Suddenly, agonizingly, the thumb was removed from his lips, and Ferdinand’s body swept away from his in a heady apology. Lorenz grit his teeth lightly, tugging at the man’s shoulder to pull him back with a pointed stare.

“Inexperienced as you may think I am, I am experienced enough to know my own boundaries...at least, when it comes to you. Ferdinand…” The annoyance left his body in an instance, replaced by a sorrowful plea.

“Is it selfish of me, to want you in such a manner? If anyone is taking advantage, it is me, pursuing you after you have told me such sensitive things.”

“If it makes you selfish, then it makes me such as well.” Ferdinand shook his head, the bounce of his sprawling locks mesmerizing the Gloucester heir all over again. He could not help but lift his fingers, trailing them through the sea of apricot before him. The locks were silken, and yet tangles of stress marred the perfection of it all. Ferdinand’s sigh of pleasure at the gentle motion would remain in Lorenz’s heart. Lorenz pushed his head downwards, brushing to Ferdinand’s forehead once again as he swallowed.

“Then allow us to be selfish. Please. If only for a night, and even if we never are again. I desire...I want…”

“Kissing is all we can do, if that is preferred. I could never force you to return the intensity of my desire, Lorenz.” Ferdinand seemed to glance at his arousal, tenting the fabric of his trousers, and flushed with shame. “This has already been more grand than anything in moons.”

Lorenz could only shake his head, pressing himself tentatively against Ferdinand in an attempt to show that the feeling was very mutual. “I would have you...ah, no, I mean, I would allow you to have me, I am...I would not oppose…” The words were difficult to express, even now. Lorenz was not a stranger to sex anymore. He had not been a stranger to it since those long days on the border, tangled in quick sensations with Leonie, the guilt of copulating before marriage being smashed away by new revelations of his budding independence from his father. Count Gloucester never knew that his son was no longer untouched. Lorenz would be sure that he would not ever know that he strove to be touched once again this night.

“...On the bed, then.” It was not an order, moreso a soft suggestion, and Lorenz found it impossible to ignore such a fond string of words. He shuffled backwards, allowing himself to be guided onto the threads of royal plum, strands of gold woven into the sheets brushing against his clothes. Lorenz moved with the impatience of a teenaged boy, fussing at the buttons of his waistcoat. Ferdinand was kind enough to assist, shuffling onto the bed with his knees straddling the lean hips of the Gloucester heir. Ferdinand was meticulous, popping open the buttons and spreading the sides of the waistcoat open to map his fingers along the expanse of pale lavender beneath. The silken undershirt was quick to be lifted in the other man’s fingers. Lorenz gasped softly at the touch of fingers to his lower stomach, dragging softly up his torso and towards his chest.

“Tell me.” Ferdinand murmured. “Tell me if anything I do makes you feel discomforted, Lorenz...You are impossibly stunning, I hope you know that.”

“I will tell you. Ferdinand, please…” He interrupted Ferdinand’s caresses by wrapping his arms around the broad shoulders above him. Lorenz mouthed at Ferdinand’s lips intensely, breathing interrupted by each kiss. “Keep...just, continue, if you will?” 

“Mmm.” Ferdinand moaned into the kiss, pushing Lorenz against the regal bedspread with a thrust of his hips. The clothed erection slid smoothly against the one between Lorenz’s legs, slotting into a spot where friction worked magic between them. Lorenz took in short breaths, unlatching his teeth from Ferdinand’s lips to choke out.

“We must not be too loud...I cannot bear to imagine your reputation tarnished even further by...ah, by such a thing.”

“Damn the reputations.” Ferdinand croaked, pained and desperate. “Damn it all. I only care for this. Right at this moment. May I…” He hesitated, pulling at Lorenz’s undershirt with a plea for permission. Lorenz answered him by lifting his body and bracing himself with his arms behind his back. Ferdinand wasted no time in parting the silk, peeling the offending article slowly down Lorenz’s arms. He shivered when the man’s warm fingers began to trail down the newly revealed skin, sending goosebumps through his body. Lorenz’s breath hitched as he felt the wet heat of Ferdinand’s mouth attach to the divot of his shoulder and neck. Goddess, it felt splendid, and yet Lorenz needed to warn him.

“No marks, Ferdinand, I could not hide such a thing…”

“No marks.” Ferdinand echoed back without hesitation, removing his mouth from his neck and replacing it with only his tongue, dragging along the sensitive skin with vigor. Lorenz sighed softly, tilting his head to grant him more access. He inwardly wondered if Ferdinand enjoyed the taste and scent of his skin, so close to the spot where he dabbed the scented oils upon himself after each meticulous morning routine. If it was an issue, Ferdinand made no word of it, continuing to map Lorenz’s body with his tongue. Lorenz’s back arched sharply when Ferdinand’s scorching tongue chased after the peak of his chest. It was always a surprise, how sensitive that part of his body was when it came to sexual gratification. It mattered not, when that insatiable tongue worked wonders on the beaded flesh. Lorenz reached out to thread his fingers through Ferdinand’s hair, combing at the locks and pushing the man’s face further into his chest with a breathless plea.

“I wish...ah, I want...Ferdinand. Remove your...take these off.” 

He tugged impatiently at the crease of cloth at Ferdinand’s collar, relaying his desire to feel Ferdinand’s skin against his own. He did not need to wait long, his hips twitching to chase after Ferdinand’s during the short seconds the man lifted himself away to remove his own coat. His own undershirt followed, a crinkled pool of dark red silk falling haphazardly to the corner of the bed. Lorenz scoffed softly, the instinct to reach out and fold the shirt neatly hashed out instantly at Ferdinand connected their bodies back together again. Lorenz shut his frothing thoughts away to focus on the man above him. His fingers slid upwards, tracing along Ferdinand’s sides and taking note of each swell of muscle beneath the sun-freckled skin. The sensation alone sent a wave of arousal through him, his cock swelling against the seams of his trousers.

Lorenz attempted to kick his boots off idly, humming with appreciation as Ferdinand slid down his body to pull firmly at the leather soles. It was strangely erotic, watching Ferdinand remove the boots from his leg while he supported his calf above the comforter. All he had to do was nestle further between his legs, and he would be…

“Your legs.” Ferdinand’s voice had never sounded so graveled before, so raw with want, to the nobleman before. “I had imagined taking hold of them, the moment you would allow me. I...did not know, all those years ago, if you were amorous with men as you clearly were with women. I…”

“...You had fancied me, Ferdinand? For how...how long have you…”

“Moons. Years.” Ferdinand gasped, surprising Lorenz when his lips nudged against the sliver of skin between his ankle and lower calf. His eyes were swooped downwards in a way that had Lorenz longing to pull them back up to him. “I did not realize just how deeply until the realization that we were going to be on two different sides of a War, and yet...it was easy to see why it would be this way. We were both expected to wed and produce our heirs. I selfishly desired you. I have no one left to hide from anymore. What more can I lose, Lorenz? I selfishly desire you.”

“...You will be happy to know then, that I would accept those I trust most...man or woman. At least I...I believe so.”

“Have you done this before, Lorenz?”

Ferdinand’s question was pointed, and Lorenz felt his face flush with warmth. He hesitated, before he nodded firmly. “Yes. I am not...untouched, if that is what you are asking. I have...ah, I have done this, of course.” Any guilt he had felt moons ago no longer crowded his mind. He held no shame in the fact that his first amorous experience had been with his former classmate. Leonie had taught him more about himself than anyone had before, had treated him with a care that he would never forget. He knew what to do. He knew what to-

“No. I mean, with a man, Lorenz.” 

Well...he assumed he knew what to do.

“No. That is-I have not…” He stammered, earning a tender kiss against his calf as Ferdinand shimmied up between his legs with a look of what Lorenz could only assume was understanding, and anticipation. Sex with a man surely was not all that much different than sex with a woman, or so Lorenz would assume from what he had read before in scandalous curiosity, or from what Leonie had teased him about moons ago when she realized his preferences for both genders. Needless to say, Lorenz did not know exactly how this would be accomplished...and yet, the look in Ferdinand’s eyes was enough to send the worries whittling away. Lorenz sought to do anything to make Ferdiand feel the way he felt in this moment.

“Would you allow me then?” Ferdinand traced his fingers at the hem of Lorenz’s trousers, refusing to continue without permission. “Would you allow me to be your first? I...you need not force yourself to say yes, if you do not wish to…”

“Yes.” Lorenz mouthed the word silently, before he raised his voice enough that Ferdinand could hear. “Yes. I would...mm. Ah, Ferdinand. I would allow you. Any way you desire, just…” He grew impatient then, not knowing exactly what he wanted, but knowing that he wanted the pressure between his legs to dissipate. He gripped at Ferdinand’s wrist and guided him to pull at his trousers. The way Ferdinand’s eyes followed the trail of revealed skin as the pants were pulled down his legs was exhilarating. A hint of nervousness at the thought of Ferdinand seeing his erection filled him, though it was quickly satiated the moment Ferdinand leaned down to press a kiss to the arch of his hip bone. 

“Lift your hips, ever so slightly…”

Lorenz obeyed the other man’s command, rolling his back to lift himself, sighing in relief as his underthings slipped down his legs as well. Bared completely to the other man, Lorenz shifted his legs slightly to give Ferdinand more room, suddenly guilty that the other man seemed to be doing all of the work. He grunted in discontent, surprised at how quickly Ferdinand moved back to look down at him with concern. He quickly assured him.

“Ah, no, Ferdinand, you have done nothing wrong, I...merely desired to be more active in this.” He lifted his leg to brush his thigh against the hem of Ferdinand’s trousers, droning with approval as Ferdinand followed his motions and began to slide his own trousers down. Lorenz peered at the man’s toned legs, enticed to squeeze the cut muscle and freckled skin. How could another person be so utterly,  _ utterly _ stunning? His thoughts were interrupted as he exhaled, surprised by the sensation of wet warmth near the skin of his pelvis. Oh. Oh, Ferdinand wished to-

“Wait!” He gasped suddenly. Once again, Ferdinand stopped, lifting his head and peering down patiently at the nobleman. Lorenz shook his head lightly, lifting onto his arms to push his head against Ferdinand’s. “I wish to be the one to do...ah, that, to you. Please?” He had not known what had come over him in that moment, but he knew how heavenly that deed could feel. More than anything, he wished to perform it on Ferdinand, wished to relieve him of his stress and offer more than still compliancy. 

“You want to?” Ferdinand’s drawl was answered with a quick nudge of Lorenz’s hands, turning their positions over so that Lorenz was the one bracketed between Ferdinand’s bare legs. Lorenz’s eyes trailed down the marvelous body before him, training intently on the swollen flesh and the trail of orange curls above it. Ferdinand was of a decent size, at least he assumed so. Lorenz would not have cared much either way, and yet he felt a profound curiosity as he stared at the man’s erection. He lowered his head, trying to imitate the motions he remembered that were performed on him. His tongue swept cautiously up Ferdinand’s thigh, before becoming more daring the moment he moaned with contentment.

Ferdinand’s pleasured moan brought a shock of arousal through him, and he ignored the foreign sensation of skin on his tongue to focus on hearing that moan again. He kissed gently at the sensitive skin between the man’s upper thigh and groin, before finally moving his mouth to the side of his cock. He hesitated, unsure of how to go about such a thing, before he decided to press his lips against the heated flesh. Peckish kisses turned into languid swipes of his tongue. Lorenz marveled at how he could almost feel him twitch beneath his tongue, the carnal desire to explore the other man clouding his mind. Leonie had made it seem so easy, and Lorenz was never one to fall behind in a lesson, even with something like this. He relished in the twitch of Ferdinand’s hips, the gentle hand that carded through his hair and brushed his scalp, the breathless praises as he tongued the hot skin.

He lifted his mouth then to slip the head of Ferdinand’s cock between his lips, flicking the slit with the tip of his tongue and repeating the motion as soon as he heard Ferdinand’s graveled gasp. If this alone was making the Adrestian man sing so beautifully, he could only imagine how it would feel if he were to-

“ _ Guck! _ ” He spluttered around the man’s cock as soon as he dared himself to try and take him to the root. Inexperience sullied his fantasy, and the panic of choking forced him to dislodge himself with a choked cough. He covered his mouth, hiding away shamefully and looking frantically at the door. If anyone had heard him, they would come in. They would-

“Lorenz! Lorenz, hey, breathe...Breathe.” Ferdinand panted, lifting onto his elbows. Lorenz could hardly bear to look at the man’s eyes. Surely that had to have been the most pathetic display he had seen in terms of a sexual partner. Ferdinand reached a hand out to rest it comfortingly on Lorenz’s shuddering shoulder. “You were doing well...I suppose, ah...you were a bit too ambitious there.” He pushed a few strands of loose violet hair from Lorenz’s face as he cooed. “Darling man, please let me serve you tonight. Before you argue with me, I assure you that you need not feel guilty. You have done more than enough by merely accepting me.”

“Ferdinand…” He coughed weakly, righting his breathing as watery eyed drooped at the Adrestian man. He did not fight him though, as Ferdinand ushered him back beneath him. Ferdinand’s breath skated down his body, caressing his stomach and pelvis before he rumbled out. “Watch me, Lorenz.”

“Ngh!” Lorenz gasped, feeling his legs tremble at the shock of sensations that bloomed from where Ferdinand’s mouth met his cock. It was clear the other man had more experience, working his tongue skillfully and bravely around his shaft. He licked up the underside of his erection before slipping himself downwards. Lorenz struck his fist to his mouth, biting the skin of his hand as he looked down at the man lavishing him. The way Ferdinand _ looked _ at him, oozing an air of determined confidence that Lorenz utterly admired. Lorenz clumsily grasped at the strands of Ferdinand’s hair, though he did not push the man. Lorenz felt it uncouth to shove anyone down when they could choke, and yet holding onto Ferdinand’s hair grounded him in the intense moment. It felt divine, and he made it achingly clear.

“Fer...dinand...agh, please, please, I...Oh, yes.” He babbled, watching himself disappear between Ferdinand’s lips, inch by inch. Ferdinand swallowed around his shaft, Lorenz’s nerves dancing with pleasure at the pressure around his cock. The faint sounds from Ferdinand’s mouth were enough to make his ears burn, though the embarrassment was chased away by the skillful twist of the other man’s tongue. Lorenz felt his hips flex against the suction before Ferdinand’s steady hands grounded them back to the bed. Ferdinand hummed deeply, sending a shockwave of sensation up Lorenz’s spine. He dug his nails gently into Ferdinand’s shoulder and curled his neck back into the pillows behind him.

“Ferdinand...I..going to-”

Within a second, the heat of his mouth diminished as he slid away from Lorenz’s hardened cock. The nobleman nearly growled at the lack of stimulation, yet he was quick to gaze in bewilderment at Ferdinand shook his head. “I wouldn’t...hah, I would not want this to be over before it even started...not for your first experience, anyway...I am going to need to prepare you, you know this, yes?”

For a moment, confusion crossed over Lorenz’s face, only to melt into stark realization. Ah, yes. This, he did know. At least, that was what he had been told. Such a coupling would require preparation. No matter who one’s partner was, Lorenz was aware that extra preparation was always beneficial. Though, the thought of him being the receiver of such an...intimate preparation, was both enticing and nerve-wracking. Even so, he wanted nothing more than to experience something pleasurable with a person he had missed so deeply over the dreaded years. He nodded, glancing once towards the finely carved desk at his bedside. “There are oils. Natural, of course...Ah...probably not the kinds you are thinking of for such a thing, yet...ah, I admittedly do not have much else.”

“Tins of coconut and rose oils should work well enough. I would not dream of harming you, Lorenz.” Ferdinand murmured, thoughtful and kinder than anyone had been to him in a long time. He could hear Ferdinand shift to rummage through the drawers, though he occupied the time with his own hand, reaching down to grip loosely at the swollen length and stroking to maintain the edge he was tilting on from Ferdinand’s prior service. He bit lightly at his lower lip the moment Ferdinand turned around with a bottle of rose oil and watched his slow stroking. Lorenz could see how aroused the other man was, his own erection standing firmly against his stomach. Ferdinand uncorked the bottle carefully and tilted it, allowing a thin stream of oil to dabble on his fingers.

“Tell me if it’s too much.” Ferdinand mused, tucking himself back into position as Lorenz opened his legs further in invitation. The nobleman hummed in contentment before he felt his lower body twitch as the pad of Ferdiand’s finger slid languidly around his hole. Nobody had ever touched that part of him beyond quick medical examinations, though the sensation certainly felt good. Ferdinand’s hands were as warm as always, quickly warming the oil in turn. Finally, he released a breath as he felt the finger begin to slip inside of him, prodding and sliding against the sensitive nerves. Ferdinand paused for a moment, and only continued when Lorenz quietly murmured for him to do so. 

So this was what it felt like, to have another’s fingers inside oneself. Lorenz flushed warmly at the realization of it. What would come after would be even more enthralling, or so he had been told all those nights ago.

“Hn…” Lorenz rumbled, trying to decide if the sensations were pleasurable or awkward, before deciding on both. Ferdinand stretched the ring of muscle down to his knuckle, before pulling out and pushing back in slowly. He leaned down to press his lips to Lorenz’s thighs once again, murmuring hotly against them.

“I’m putting another in.” 

Just like that, the sensation of fullness only increased further, until Lorenz was gasping lightly at the intrusion. Each twinge of pressure was remedied by a spark of pleasure from Ferdinand’s slow presses to his walls. Lorenz closed his eyes, lashes fluttering as he sighed at each tilt of Ferdinand’s wrist. 

At least, until Ferdinand hooked his fingers and dragged them towards himself. Lorenz felt a sudden pressure in his lower stomach, before a burst of pleasure took his breath away. A hoarse moan escaped him before he scrambled his hands up to cover his mouth, drowning out the rest of the chord desperately. His cock throbbed, hips jutting instinctively at the intense sensation. Goddess above, he had never felt something like that before! He stared at Ferdinand, his eyes glossed with confused awe, before he spluttered between his fingers.

“Agh!...What in the heavens was that?!”

“Most likely your prostate.” Ferdinand mused with a chortle. “The first time is always the most surprising. Did it feel good?” He questioned, catching Lorenz in a heated look. Lorenz could only nod dumbly. “I...was aware of its existence, I have just never felt, er...that, before.”

“It will feel even better when I am inside of you.” Ferdinand leaned down to whisper the words in his ear, arousal and desperation lining the sinful sentence. Lorenz shifted in anticipation at the promise of even stronger sensations, and of the intimate closeness that was promised. He tilted his head back as Ferdinand fingered the sensitive spot inside of him again. His sharp groan was held back by his teeth sinking into his lip. The oil helped in easing the strange intrusion, certainly as Ferdinand slid a third finger in after a moment of stretching. Lorenz could not imagine what his cock would feel like, if three fingers already felt this strange and divine at the same time.

His curiosities were not in the air long, as he felt Ferdinand’s hand retreat from his backside. He flushed their hips close together, using the excess of the oil to slick his erection. Lorenz could not help but squirm at the sound, though Ferdinand’s steadfast gaze grounded him once again.

“We do not have to do this, if you don’t want to, Lorenz…”

“I do.” Lorenz sighed softly, reaching his hands to glide them slowly up Ferdinand’s hips and back. “I am not discomforted-” He swallowed, glancing down at the trail of hair speckled along Ferdinand’s lower body. Such a simple yet adoring detail to an already perfect body. “-I am merely adapting to this. Go then.” He complied, if not a little impatient for the considerate man to continue. Ferdinand seemed relieved at that, slinking his body down along Lorenz’s.

“Keep relaxed. I’ll go slowly.” Ferdinand murmured, leaning down to kiss him fleetingly once more. He took the gentle order in stride, allowing his body to uncoil its tensions. He let his eyes slip shut for a moment, before they flickered open once again as he felt the head of Ferdinand’s cock slip against him. Lorenz tightened his hold upon the ridges of muscle that graced Ferdinand’s back, the edges of his nails digging in softly as the Adrestian man guided himself slowly into Lorenz’s awaiting heat. Goddess.  _ Goddess _ . The cock was hot and heavy inside of him, gliding against parts of himself that had never been stretched before. There was no pain, and yet Lorenz felt himself gasping out quickly at the  _ pressure _ of it. 

“Are you-”

“Fine...Keep...yes, Ferdinand, I...mmm.” Lorenz nodded his approval, too stimulated to form a coherent sentence and instead signaling with a quick nod. It wasn’t until Ferdinand started moving, sliding back slowly and sinking himself back inwards that Lorenz realized how this could be pleasurable. The strange pressure remained, yet it was easily overshadowed by the raw intensity of his cock pressing against his walls, sparking the nerves inside of him. Lorenz dug his nails in more, groaning softly into the gold trimmed pillows. Ferdinand rolled his hips, pistoning into the other man with a pleasured sigh.

“Lorenz…” Ferdinand groaned. “You feel, ah, so...so good.” He leaned down, keeping his hips moving as he pressed his lips to the jutting edge of Lorenz’s jaw, trailing them up to the lobe of his ear. Lorenz shuddered at the prickling feeling of Ferdinand’s gasping breath against his ear. “Wanted to see you...feel you like this. For..ah, longer than you could...ah, imagine.” He admitted between thrusts, sending a wave of warmth through Lorenz’s stomach. To feel needed in such a way,  _ wanted _ in such a way...It was almost as exquisite as the feeling of Ferdinand inside him now.

“I missed you.” Ferdinand continued, panting out his longing as his hair dangled against the skin of Lorenz’s bouncing shoulders. “ _ I missed you. _ ”

“Ferdinand!” Lorenz choked out, unlatching his nails from the man’s shoulder to cover his loud exclamation as Ferdinand’s cock struck his prostate once more. He lifted his hips to meet his thrusts, clumsy with inexperience but determined to match his increasing pace. All the stresses and pains of the world around them seemed so miniscule when compared to the rush of pleasure he felt. For a moment, he wondered with a hint of nervousness if his father would notice this sudden change in events. If he would hear of this secret coupling. What would he think, in that unreadable mind of his? Would he gaze upon his son with the intense scrutiny he always had when Lorenz failed a task? Or would he be horrendously ashamed that his heir dared to sully himself with not only a commoner woman, but now an all but exiled Adrestian nobleman? Lorenz did not fear his father, but there was no doubting that he never desired to disappoint the man…

The man who had done nothing when the villages were being burned, who had done nothing to aid the suffering of the common folk under the false ideology of Edelgard’s War. Lorenz narrowed his eyes lightly, maintaining his desire to keep quiet, but finding himself almost yearning to spite his father, just this once. He could believe so, at least. His mind was brought back to the present as he finally managed to find coherency between each shallow thrust.

“I missed...agh, you as...ohh, as well. Ferdinand...Ferdin...ngh!” He closed his eyes tightly, gritting his teeth as Ferdinand pulled firmly at his hips and further onto his cock. Ferdinand nipped lightly at his earlobe, careful not to leave a mark as requested prior.

“I wish I could hear you...without restraint. Damn it all. I don’t-...” He stammered, swallowing down an emotion that Lorenz wished he could console. Instead, the nobleman reached up to push a lock of Ferdinand’s hair behind his ear before pressing his palm to his sweat slicked cheek. He tilted his head forwards, quietly hissing with ecstasy as Ferdinand’s cock rubbed against a sensitive spot.

“Think only of me.” He pleaded. “I can offer that, at least…”

“Oh, Lorenz.” Ferdinand rumbled, knocking his forehead gently against his and leaning his face into Lorenz’s shaking hand. He moaned deeply, bucking his hips forwards into the whining Gloucester heir. Lorenz drank in the sight of the man above him, outlined against the silver of the snowy evening sky, and pushed his head back into the pillows, tilting his hips clumsily again until Ferdinand steadied him with his large hands. Fingers pressed warmly into the divots of his lean waist and hips, and Lorenz watched as the man lifted onto his knees to alter the position. Lorenz choked tightly, gasping out at the sensation of Ferdinand plunging deeper into him as he pulled Lorenz’s hips up onto his sturdy thighs. Lorenz’s back arched elegantly, a testament to his natural flexibility, his dancer’s grace, a trait he hoped would provide pleasure for the other man.

Lorenz’s cock weeped at a lack of contact, though it throbbed at each insistent press of Ferdinand’s cock inside of him. As though reading his mind, Ferdinand moved one of his hands to grip firmly at the hardened flesh, stroking at it with a lancer’s precision. Lorenz flexed his legs, hooking a strong limb around Ferdinand’s bucking waist. He pleaded with his eyes, peering up at the dedicated man to continue. Lorenz could feel a coiling in his lower stomach, already signaling that he would not last much longer at this rate. Ferdinand tugged quickly at his erection, brushing against the fine purple hairs around his pelvis, the same color as the hair now fanned across the pillows as Lorenz pushed his head into them again.

“Ferdinand, I-I am-!”

“It’s alright, Lorenz, just-” Ferdinand chased after him, his hips pumping faster and harder with each quiet and gasping breath. “I-...” He trailed off into silence, and Lorenz momentarily wondered what the other man had intended to say. His thoughts were shattered as a final rough thrust drove him over the edge. Lorenz choked on his own breath, whining out as his back arched at the intensity of it. Ferdinand stroked him through his orgasm, streaks of white coating his hand and the plane of Lorenz’s stomach. His nerves sang, rolling into a buzzing pleasure as he came down from his high. Lorenz focused on the sensation of Ferdinand pressing into him again and again, ignoring the flutter of overstimulation that rippled through him in favor of urging Ferdinand onwards.

“Ferdinand…” He whispered, breathless and compliant, as the other man followed suit. Ferdinand leaned down, muffling his grunts and moans into the crook of Lorenz’s shoulder. Lorenz wrapped his arms around him firmly, letting his head fall back again as Ferdinand gave one last thrust before stilling, spilling into him. Lorenz soothed himself with the sounds of Ferdinand’s breathing, tilting his head slowly to press his cheek to the locks of orange hair that plastered to Ferdiand’s ear. Their shared exhaustion and satisfaction echoed in the silence of the grand bedroom. 

As much as Lorenz wanted to remain there, wrapped around the man he had just given himself to...a sense of heaviness filled him, thick and heavy in his chest. The vibrantly pleasurable sensation of Ferdinand’s release within him now made him shift lightly.

“I...believe a bath is in order.” He murmured, trying to push away his internal gibberings for the benefit of Ferdinand’s pleasure. Ferdinand seemed to understand his sudden shift in mood, pulling out of him slowly and shuffling to his knees with a few bated breaths. Lorenz peered into Ferdinand’s eyes, hoping that his contentment was more visible than his growing sadness. Sadness that the man he had just conducted with so meaningfully would have to return to the very woman who had taken everything from him. That he would have to return to watching his own territory be held hostage by the Empire.

“Lorenz...You need not look at me like that. I...did you not enjoy it?” His voice seemed broken, and Lorenz felt his chest ache as he assured quickly. “Of course I did, Ferdinand, I did, I just-...” He swallowed, choking down the words as he grimaced at the mess upon his stomach. Ferdinand took notice of the hesitation and silenced himself, a look of understanding in his eyes. He reached his hand out, offering it to Lorenz.

“I could do with a bath myself, though I will be happy to wait for you to have one first.”

“There is no need.” Lorenz hesitated, pulling to shaking legs as he was guided off the bed, naked skin prickling at the chill in the air. He looked at Ferdinand once, before his eyes averted lightly, red blossoming across his cheeks as he offered.

“I believe there is plenty of room for two...if you are quiet, Ferdinand.”

Lorenz could take solace in the way Ferdinand’s eyes lightened, and the earnest urgency in his step as he slipped into the washroom after him. He could take solace in the way his body ached in a way that made his heart race, in a way he hoped he would not forget anytime soon.

\---

He watched Ferdinand, unblinking even in the midst of the chilling winds. The discussions of the territory had taken an incredibly long time, in which Lorenz had only been able to think about the night prior. The ride back to Adrestia would certainly not be a pleasant one, certainly not for a man who had nothing of his own to return to anymore. Would Ferdinand’s loyalty to a woman far above him overshadow the genuine anguish he had witnessed first-hand? He ignored the way his cloak brushed against the leather of his boots, the fur at the seams clotted with water and snow.

Ferdinand would return to the heart of the Empire. He would probably not see the fields of Gloucester again soon, if at all. He could be sent to combat in an instant...alive and vibrant one day, and executed the next in the flurry of warfare. Lorenz felt a shock of revulsion at the thought, unable to deny the raw desire to beg the man to stay, to stay and hide in his empty estate, with him and beside him. He wished...he wanted to…

“There we are.” Lorenz whispered, not allowing the thoughts to scorch his tongue. He smoothed the ties of Ferdinand’s cloak, tucking the last lock of hair into the shadows of the hood, where the look in the other man’s eyes was hidden from sight. Lorenz searched for his eyes anyway, hands hesitating on the warm fabric, fingers pressed to the plane of Ferdinand’s chest. His father was thankfully within the safety of the estate, far away and courteous enough to allow Lorenz to see their guest off alone. 

“You shall be protected well enough...Ah, you are far too energetic to lose your warmth to this mild cold. Keep your steed in good health as well, I shall not accept any ill activity when it comes to an animal such as him…” He knew he was rambling, and he knew he was trailing off, so obviously incompetent when it came to lying, when it came to hiding his true thoughts. He nearly flinched when Ferdinand’s fingers wrapped loosely around his wrist, holding his hands close to his chest. Lorenz could see his eyes then, finally, so full of meaning and intent that it  _ stung _ in the hollows of his chest.

“I will see you again.” 

Perhaps the most difficult part was deciphering if Ferdinand was lying, or if he meant his words on the honor of whatever small part of himself he still had left. Lorenz was breathless, choking on air, choking on silence. He tried to lower his hands, and Ferdinand’s fingers only followed, still wrapped loosely around his wrists. He stared at the shorter man, voice mumbling in the cold.

“...I shall not waste anymore faith on promises…” He watched the light in Ferdinand’s eyes fade, only to reach out longingly with his voice. “After this promise, that is. I shall let it be my last. You deserve that at least, and so much more. Ferdinand…”

“Lorenz…” 

“You will see me again.” He tried to echo Ferdinand’s gentle urgency, as pitiful as he was at it. He could have looked into Ferdinand’s eyes for hours, and yet he was not so foolish. He was not some child yearning for a fairytale to unfurl before him. Even so, he felt a need to admit that Ferdinand came rather close to the concept. “Go on then...We shall see this War through, will we not? We will brew tea, and speak of our people...and…” He averted his eyes, even as Ferdinand’s glowed with recognition.

“I understand.” The chilled wind instantly replaced the warmth of Ferdinand’s fingers as he finally stepped back, sidling up to mount his horse. He peered down at the nobleman, wisps of white escaping his mouth at each word. “I look forward to it. I…” He hesitated again, swallowing down the words that Lorenz was too afraid to say himself. He nodded, only once, before his smile chased the cold from Lorenz’s chest.

“Until we next meet, Lord Gloucester.”

Lorenz watched Ferdinand go, taking all of the warmth of his smile with him, a painful chill returning to his body. Even as the man escaped from his view, Lorenz kept watching, kept waiting in the bitter breeze, wishing that the words he had wanted to say prior would have just slipped from his tongue and onto Ferdinand’s, when they had kissed and embraced, when they had shared their desperate moment in solitude...He supposed there was no use in moping. He would have to believe that he would indeed see the man again, in all of his enrapturing light. He did not make a sound, and turned mechanically to slip into the gaping maw of the Estate’s doors, taking the frozen wind in with him.

He would see Ferdinand again.

And in the halls of a crumbling monastery, outlined in the light of the setting sun, years of passing etching into his face and surrounded by the people reunited by an Ashen Demon, he does. He smiles.

Oh, does he smile.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a wonderful time writing this, and 3RatMoon is an incredible artist! Please go look at more of their content! A big shoutout to the Ultra Rarepair Big Bang event for organizing such an amazing project of authors and artists to share their rarepair love!
> 
> Some additional notes for this fic:
> 
> \- Takes place in a Golden Deer route universe, so yes, everyone is recruited to Claude's side by the end of the fic
> 
> \- Takes place sometime during the timeskip, before Ferdinand and Lorenz decide to leave their homes to join with Claude
> 
> \- Lorenz/Leonie is mentioned because I have a very strong belief that she was his first experience with sex and that they formed an incredible bond fighting together during the timeskip. Lorenz is a bisexual disaster, as he is in all my fics
> 
> I hope that you enjoyed this work, and that you go look at all the other wonderful content for this event!


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